Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Fear of losing him completely!
Love Notes:
Dear Joe,
Just call me Mishy, a college junior with a boyfriend named Earl. We've beentogether for almost a year now, and I have nothing more to ask for. But astime went by, a certain fear came over me. I'm afraid I might lose him ifsomeone better comes along. I can't think of anything else. When he's notwith me, I'm afraid that he might seeing someone else. We've been fighting alot lately. I've been getting jealous of every girl he talks to. It has cometo a point that we're already hurting hurting each other. I don't wantanyone to come between us. I love Earl so much but I can't stand the endlessfighting. I dont know what to think. Am I just being too paranoid? Should Ibelieve his assurance that he'll never ever leave me? I've made so manysacrifices for him and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. Pleasehelp me, Joe. I really don't know how to deal with it. I hope that my fearof losing him will completely dissapear.
Dear Mishy,
It is completely normal to feel a certain amount of fear at the thought oflosing the people we love and the people whom we know love us. I believethat it is this fear that constantly reminds us of our responsibility tocontribute to the wellness of our relationships. Complacency becomes evidentwhen we become so comfortable with our partners to the point of taking themfor granted. Without the fear of losing them, we become catalysts for thedestruction of our own relationships.However, there is the downside of letting this fear go beyond the bounds ofreason. Paranoia breeds mistrust that poisons healthy relationships. Lettingthis fear take over your mind and create pictures of infidelity pushes ourprotectiveness to a level that becomes uncomfortable for our partners.Outrageous feats of jealousy that go beyond sensibility can become veryannoying and destructive as well.Mishy, love alone cannot guarantee forever. You have to trust Earl. And youhave to be complete to do that. In love, two halves do not make a whole.Only two complete individuals can make a whole. You have to resist themistrust and jealousy that slowly erode the foundation of your relationship.Trust and respect are very important. And even if one fails in giving these,the other should be ready to forgive. This is the cycle of love, hurting,getting hurt, forgiving and starting again. Every time we go through this webecome stronger persons. We become more equipped to face the challenges inour relationships.Mishy, there are a lot of times when our feelings don't think. When ouremotions get too strong, we should stop for a while and let reason guide ouractions. Let Earl know that you trust him. He needs that. Don't let yourimagination go beyond what your eyes can see. Fear not that you will losehis love; but fear that you may be the one to push him out of love.
Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.
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